SHE-SHREK, THE MIGHTY OGRESS (READ ME!)
by Anonymized
Summary: She-Shrek is Shrek's mom (NOT that lady bastard Fiona) and is the most feared ogress in the town. But how did she get her title? What could she possibly do to be so feared? Find out in this ogre-ific ballad! (And maybe you could follow me if you really like it? Just a thought...)
"She-Shrek: the Mighty Ogress"

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Run away! I'll see you on another day!)

There's an ogress in our town,

Stronger than all the men around.

She's not Shrek, she's by far worse,

She's his mum: his picture's in her purse.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Smell's so weird! For many miles her stench is feared!)

Red eyes of a circus freak,

Sharpened teeth made to shred meat.

Moldy skin of gray and green

She's big, and ugly, gross and mean.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so green! Ugliest gal we've ever seen!)

Now I'll tell the story of

How this She-Shrek ruined love.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so green! Meanest gal we've ever seen.)

Jane was so in love with John,

They'd loved each other for so long,

One year and month to be exact,

But Jane knew not of John's odd past.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so mean! Most spiteful gal we've ever seen!)

John and Shrek went to the same school,

John used to be an ogre-ish human-ish fool,

Then he utterly quit his ways,

And with Jane he spent his days.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! We infer, she might want John to be an ogre!)

John and Shrek were best of friends,

She-Shrek was sad their bond did end.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! And her lonely son! All Shrek wanted was a friend in someone!)

She-Shrek then to herself said

She'd make John an ogre or have his head.

She showed up on his wedding day,

When he was about to marry Jane.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Look at her! Ugly things aren't allowed in church!)

When she waltzed into the door,

She let out a fearsome roar.

Everyone was super scared,

When she began throwing stuff everywhere.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Mistress of doom! She'll terrify everyone in the room!)

Then she shoved poor Jane away,

And hit her head to make her stay.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so cruel! All for Shrek's ole pal from school!)

She shoved onions down John's throat:

How he gaged! We thought he'd choke!

John groaned as his stomach churned

And cried out: his throat did burn.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Stop this now! John's mouth is bleeding, and, oh dear, ow.)

After thirty onions or so,

John's belly began to grow.

She-Shrek then, to her greatest of luck,

Made John smell rancid from his own upchuck.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so gross! Of things like this the ogres boast.)

John was looking mighty green,

Looking uglier than the ugliest we've ever seen. {Um, that's She-Shrek}

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Look what you've done! We know why nobody likes your son!)

"Spare me! Spare me! I beg you PLEASE!"

Cried out John with an oniony wheeze.

"Laddeh, don't yeh see what I'm tryin' to do?

I'm going to make an ogre outta you!"

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Don't you dare! John's got a life; this isn't fair!)

"Fine." Said John, "Don't take my life!

I'll ditch my family, friends, and wife."

"Good decision." She-Shrek said.

"I knew your ogre side was not dead."

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Don't you know? If you weren't scary he would've said no!)

Then he ran into the sunset

And behind him trailed She-Shrek.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Are you glad? You've turned this good man to something bad!)

Jane sat up and cried out, "NOOO!"

John-Shrek could not hear her though.

Thus poor Jane was outta luck,

For John was bathing in the muck.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! We're aghast! How'd you do that so plum fast?)

Jane now lives a life that's sad,

Thinking of the love she'd had.

She tells herself: "It's ok:

He'll come back another day."

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! See what you've done! You ruined the life of someone!)

John-Shrek and Shrek frolic and pleh,

And they both can yell: "DONKEH!"

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! This is strange? John-Shrek is Shrek just a bit deranged…)

That's the end of the story of

How ole' She-Shrek ruined love.

Isn't it so good and great?

Now we've got THREE ogres to hate!

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! We hate you! We hate John-Shrek and Shrek too!)

For many miles, far and wide,

When we see She-Shrek, we run and hide.

Especially on a wedding day,

We all make sure to scurry away.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! Oh so sick! She makes weddings go by real quick!)

She-Shrek is an ogress of might,

And a nauseating sight.

(She-Shrek! She-Shrek! She's no good! We hate her, as we should!)


End file.
